Jeffrey
I know you expected me to come up there tonight. I'm sure you watched the door. Maybe you even called your dad and he came up to watch the door. I never showed because I didn't want to infect you. I have some nasty bronchial crud. Baby Tiger has had it for a long time now and I just can't seem to get rid of it.What a scene it would have been if I had. I would have been crying so much that I probably would have passed out after an asthma attack, hyperventalating and/or choking on extra crying induced mucus. How's that for TMI?
Eddie fulfilled my dream tonight. You made that dream come true even more so by taking that business card. I have no expectations. I would like to have them but I was so hurt 6 years ago. You were only 11. Now you are a man, I'm going to start crying again.
I made some provisions tonight. I told the family. We're so close yet so explosive that I didn't want to give them the actual location of your work. My mother is tenacious. She's also swinging through her bipolar dangerzones and I want to protect you from that as much as possible. You have to be very strong and very well armed to deal with her.
Of course Grandma didn't live to see this day. I'm sure she did see it. That's just my beliefs. Man she loved you more than anyone on this earth.
oh Gee these Albuterol shakes make it hard to type.
I have so much I want to tell you. You've been so much a part of my life that G-man thinks you are an imaginary friend. Of course in his mind you're only 5 cause that's how old he will be on their birthday. It's so hard to hear him talk to Jeffy. I know he sees you. The you he knows from the photos. I have one of you at 5. I compare him to all the missing memories of you. I shouldn't do that but I always have. Cause I let him down like I let you down. During your 4th year I wasn't there. I'm so sorry. Post Partum depression really ripped me up and left big chasms where our relationships should be.
Little bit, I love you, I alway have and I always will.
posted by Debbysewn @ 9:24 PM
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