Living on West Tulsa Time

A military memory

A friend of mine in Chicago has a son in Iraq. The poor guy is newly married and has a baby on the way. My friend is very upset that her dil’s sister is being a bitch to her son’s friend and is spreading stories about the dil. It all upsets her son. She put it like this.

” I told her that I had something to say to her and I wasn't saying it to hurt her feelings or to piss her off, but the bullshit has to stop with the tales being told to him. Either tell him everything herself or stop sending messages or tell her sister to shut her mouth. That is would only take a split second for him to lose his life if he was distracted about something going on at home. He needs to completely focus on what he's doing there to save his life and others and not to be worried about bullshit back in the states. If she wanted to tell him then tell him in a letter or when he can call. And just because her sister was miserable in her marriage and was leading her husband around by his crotch hairs doesn't mean she gets to do it to him. Also that I've been his mother a lot longer than she has been his wife. And that when they married they created their own family unit. I wasn't going to stick my nose in their business, but when he comes to him and his mental health and safety...I would and if anything happened to him because of some stupid bullshit tale being told him from someone in Co. "mama wasn't going to be a happy person and would be looking for answers"! Not a threat but a promise. She needs to realize that she has to take care of things at home and not give him any extra worry. She certainly knew that he was Army and re-enlisted, she made a choice when she chose to marry him and have a baby. Now I didn't say that to her tonight, but have said it in the past and I don't think I need to repeat it. She has a load to carry and I'm willing to help her if she needs it. She is lucky to be able to receive calls and e-mail from him, I didn't have that when his dad and hubby were active duty. You either got nothing or hoped for a letter.”

It got me to thinking about 1990. I wasn’t happy that Jeff was over there and I hated his enlistment from the start. But I was also so paralyzed with fear that I really almost wished that I could stay home and in bed like my mom often did. It was so hard to deal with his family. They knew it all and I couldn’t tell them anything different. I didn’t want any interference from his mother about anything and she was a big bitch to me. At that time I was really dedicated to my marriage because I didn’t want him to die and me be out screwing around at that very minute. I also felt very secure in my marriage that my rights and future were protected unlike during basic training and the final time I returned to Oklahoma. But the one glaring difference in those 3 timeframes. While Jeff was in Iraq I was on antidepressants to keep me going. I was well supported and didn’t have his parents breathing down my neck. That’s so sad.

I see that difference here. Eddie supports me 100%. His parents do not have any say in our lives. We actually have to parent them. Jeff isn’t at that point in his life and maybe when he is he will understand what hell I have been through in my life being my mother’s keeper. ~~~I just vomited remembering Jeff trying to force me to turn my back on my mother.~~~ We struggled so much that year. Keeping my mom from trying to kill herself again, getting her money in order to keep her from being homeless and dealing with court cases. I didn’t need his demands to make it worse. He was not my boss not could he dictate my life although he thought he had that right because he had custody of my oldest son. He is such a jerk.

I hope he really finds out what a true marriage and partnership is.

posted by Debbysewn @ 11:05 AM