Living on West Tulsa Time

just grumping

We've been sick for weeks. Eddie and I haven't had insurance to go to the doctor so we've been muddling through. Today our insurance kicked in so I can see a PA tomorrow. Having 3 sick kids in the house has been wearing us down as well. I've done what I could to stay consistent with the kids and our PCIT. But Eddie keeps blowing it. I have had it with him doing this. Tomorrow the backlash will all be aimed at me and I can't take it. I just want to kick him in the nuts.

He's mad at me because I'm being the heavy in our guardianship of the baby. I make the decisions, I make the rules because if I don't then I'm the one who suffers. The pressure is all on me and I'm doing what I can to make sure that other people accept/pay for their part of the responsibility.

Okay here's the biggest beef I have: Eric wants to see his baby but Eric isn't stable enough to be alone with his baby which means someone has to supervise him. I told him what he has to do to be viewed as stable...has he done it? No, he gets his momma to whine to a judge about it. Plus, my mother in law just doesn't understand what Eric did wrong. What he's continuing to do wrong. I tell her, Ed tells her, the judge tells her and she just doesn't see it.

Here is all I'm asking him to do:

Stay away from Crystal
get his own baby safe place --alone, no mother, no crystal, no boozer buddies
get a car

can he do one of those things, no not really. He's admitted he loves Crystal more than anyone else in the world. Ummmmm, more than your child?
He claims he can't afford to rent a place but he was doing it in August and for a year before that, blowing money on booze and drugs for Crystal so um, yeah he can.
He claims he can't afford a car, bull. see the above mentioned expenditures.

Sooooooooo. Right now, I just want to go lay in God's lap and cry. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Most recently was when G-man was having trouble in 2nd grade. I didn't start feeling this bad when Tiger started having the same trouble.

I can't even rely on Eddie to help out. He's not on my side any more and the more he tries to counter act all that I have done the less I want to be around him.

I know of 2 women who have up and left their husbands in the last few years. I won't go that far but I'm not going to be "the good wifey" either. Don't like it, pack your shit and git.

posted by Debbysewn @ 3:22 PM