Living on West Tulsa Time

I broke my agreements today.

I let someone kick me in the heart. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve it. I offered things to think on, things to reflect back on and she got mad about it.

I don't know why I ever thought this would ever work out. It's hard to live a good life when there are so many people who are eager to kick you in the teeth when you show them how good their live could be.

That old voice in my head keeps saying, "see he was right, you should have walked away from them all when I told you to and you wouldn't be living in this pain right now." And for now I think I'm going to let myself feel he's right.

Why did I stand beside people who aren't willing to stand beside me 100% of the time? Why did I stand up for people who get so easily offended by me?

I could have had my boy in my life if it weren't for choosing you people over him. Following your examples instead of doing the right thing. I know I only have myself to blame for it too.

Now I'm letting God down as well for turning my back on the world. The part of the world that I was sent here to engage, protect and love.

I'm also crying hysterically and scaring my kids to death. They don't know how to comfort me anymore than I could comfort my own mother when she was like this. Thank you for pushing me over the edge today.

posted by Debbysewn @ 11:09 AM