Friday, June 22, 2007

PCIT Parent directed time after Special Time

Our next step which really works well with my 3 year old who's acting the same way and is not getting "special time" in the same way but is getting all the Praise, reflection, imitation, description and enthusiasm all day long now, is to give direct commands.

Always provide a consequence for obedience or disobedience. Following a consequence for disobeying, children shoule obey the original command (so don't clean up the mess while they are in time out) Otherwise they may choose time out to get out of following the command)
Pick up the yellow toy and once he's complied praise him with "thank you for minding me, I like it when you mind me" then give him the 2nd half of the instruction. "Take it to your room" or "give it to me"
If they don't comply then remind them, "Pick up the yellow toy or you'lll have to go to time out" you take them to time out in a grown up chair for 3 minutes and they have to be quiet for 5 seconds. yeah that means you may have to put them back a half a million times but you say stay here until I tell you to get up each time you put them back and walk away. And when the time is up you ask, Are you ready to pick up the yellow block? If they say no they stay in the chair until they are if the say yeah then repeat the instruction when you return to the scene of the instruction. If they don't comply again you start all over with time out.

Here's the key you only do this when you have the time and energy to use it.

To stop behavior immediately avoid saying "DON'T run" cause then they'll break out in a skip or gallop and tick you off. Use a direct instruction. Walk in the house and lower that last word vocally so they know you mean business the first time.

So you don't have time for time out and you still need the child to put on his shoes, give him a choice, put on your shoes or you don't get such and such while you're out. Avoid things that they won't get to have until much later because they will have forgotten and they will just have a meltdown when reminded of the fact.

I hope this is all clear.

Here's what my paper work says:

Make commands direct not indirect
Direct: Sit down right here
Indirect: Would you like to sit down?
Direct: Pick up your toys:
Indirect: Let's pick up your toys, Okay?

Give one command at a time instead of a string of commands
~Brush your teeth
~instead of brush your teeth, comb your hair, wash your face

State commands positively
~Child runs away from parent
~ Parent says "hold my hand" instead of don't run away from me
~Child on the kitchen counter
~Parent says "Get down Please" instead of don't climb on the counter

Make commands specific, not vague.
~Make your bed
~instead of clean your room
~use your indoor voice
~instead of act nice

Use a neutral tone of voice instead of yelling or pleading
~come sit next to me
~instead of...Sit here now!! or It would make mommy happy if you would sit here please?

Be polite and respectful while still being direct and clear
~Please hand me the crayon or Sit next to me please
Okay I don't use this one yet because they have been taught you can say no to requests

Give Choices at the childs developement level when either of 2 behaviors are appropriate
~Please put on your white socks or your blue socks
~use your indoor voice or play in the backyard
( you can fall back on this one when you don't have time for all the other stuff, only insert a good choice "put your socks on" or a bad choice " or you don't get to go outside" Most often, it's you're going to lose [your favorite things~~tv, activities, toys, freedom])

Limit the use of explanations, when you give one do it before the command or after the child has obeyed
~our playtime is over and we need to get ready to go to the store. Please, put your crayons away
**child asks why parent ignores because explanation has already been given
~instead of "put the crayons away"
**child asks why
Parent says because we need to get ready to go.
Child says after I finish
Parent says I said put the crayons away NOW!!



Wait until you have all the others master before you worry about these:
Save direct commands for things you are sure your child can do. To encourage new behaviors, use a suggestion instead of a direct command.
~Would you like to try to sign it?
** instead of write your name here
~maybe you can make a picture
**instead of draw a horse

Save direct commands for times when it's important for the child to obey
~ when the child is crossing the street tell them "take my hand"
**instead of chew your food exactly 30 times

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