I'm going to get back to writing
When I write, I feel like my grammar and vocabulary of my spoken word improves. I need to feel an improvement after saying, "no, get down, you're going to fall, and give me the ______" all day.Today I also feel like whining which I'm going to try to avoid doing though. Instead I am going to publish this post as a reintroduction.
I'm Debby. I'm too close to 40 and I recently took in a one year old nephew. Once again, I'm a stay at home mother, eh aunt....nah, mother cause my 2 school age children come home to me.
I also have a granddaughter. After the first month of my granddaughters life she was here with me a lot. Once or twice a week at the least. It was fun unless it interfered with my time with my own boys. They weren't at all happy to divide their time 3 ways. For 2 weeks this summer, they had me all to themselves again. I missed the baby, then little E came to stay for a few days which morphed into a few weeks and now has been almost 2 months. As far as the judge who placed him with us is concerned he'll be here another year.
This year has brought a lot of changes. My dad died, which isn't any different than when he was alive, but it brought out a lot of nastiness in my mother and I finally decided to avoid her completely.
I inherited a lot of money from my father this year. The money brought me a lot of joy but an even bigger headache. I bought a truck which needed way more of an investment than I could afford and I'm living without it right now.
Essentially you can say I'm depressed over the money I have wasted on this truck. Money I could have spent elsewhere and had a better time with it. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with the truck now. Spend even more money on it or let go of the truck and memory of the money. My depression is affecting other parts of my life.
The number one problem I'm having with the depression is my digestive system. When I'm occupied with being depressed my stomach makes much more digestive acid than needed. This increases the speed of my digestive tract and creates massive numbers of trips to the bathroom. Usually my Tummy Trouble would only interfere in one or 2 days worth of activities a month, then it moved up to once a week and now....I'm lucky to have one good day every few weeks.
Officially, I have Crohn's disease. Outwardly, I'm not a typical Crohn's patient. I have 200 extra pounds of weight on my body. Because of this, I kinda want to embrace the tummy trouble. However, the pain associated with the disease/syndrome keeps me from burning off the additional calories stored in my body. I am losing weight, but it's not really a healthy weight loss and it's painful.
It's just crazy. I'm not thinking straight from depression, pain and lack of good nutrients so I am a bigger basket case than usual and I have a baby at home to care for. Totally nutso.
Well here's one more bit of info, I'm hot and sweaty sitting at this computer so I'm escaping the heat of my cyber world and I'm going to bed, after I make a bottle and put my baby to bed too.
Wish me luck.
posted by Debbysewn @ 9:10 AM
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