I am going to turn this kid over to dhs
I'm so frustrated by this screaming baby that I'm crying. I used to think the droning of a fan was the most ear splitting/irritating sound but now, not so much. I couldn't even hear a fan now. He cries when I out of the room he cries when I come back he goes to do something and cries because he's frustrated. I can't console him either. It's like living with a siren going. The only thing that does shut him up is a bottle. A crying baby with food in his mouth is a dangerous and very messy thing.
whew what a few weeks
Little E has mega separation anxiety now. It started while he was sick and has just escalated. It started when Eddie would put him down to go to the kitchen. It has progressed to whenever Eddie comes into the room E thinks he should be picked up immediately and packed around. A week ago I was resorting to doing anything I could to get E's attention, usually screaming his name and getting him to stop following Eddie around. No it's me too. I can't go to the bathroom, change clothes, put away laundry nothing. This is getting old.
Meanwhile I'm still suffering from my ears. It's rough to sleep at night. I slept wrong and I have an aching up the left side of my spine. I did all the stretches I could today to relieve it and well, I made it worse, oops. 8[
I am a day behind on my cleaning schedule, I'm doing laundry today instead of cleaning bathrooms. I'm putting off those bathrooms for as long as I can. I'll ask Eddie to do the boys bathroom tonight. I've been working on mine a little at a time too. Just gotta put a polish on the fixtures and spray down the shower.
I soooo don't want to do anything today.
I shouldn't feel that way, I stayed in bed til 10 much to E's displeasure. I've eaten a decent breakfast but still I feel like I have cotton in my head, especially my ears. I've been drinking milk products so that could be part of the problem.
I need some energy. I'm not getting it from the music although E is. I posted on FB he doesn't know whether to eat or two-step. He can't do both at the same time. So far it's much more dancing than eating but at least he's eating more than chasing after me crying.
The long and short of my day is I'm not moving. Yes, I can't get my self out of this chair and to quell any questioning by people who don't have any reason to know, I'm not moving out of my house either. When I was asked about that, I started feeling like Rockwell, "I always feel like somebody is watching me..." So either our nosy people heard about my aunt discussing her move with my husband, or saw my own broken down truck parked at the house and my jeep gone or saw an out of date foreclosure listing, (before my inheritance when I was spending money on my grandbaby instead of paying bills) Don't know, but it's bugging me. MYOB people.
I did smart off that now that E lives with us we need a bigger house, but sure as shooting, we would move and then E's dad would get his mess together and we could give him back. Naaaaaahhhhh, it's not worth the hassle. Couldn't afford to upgrade all the stuff here to make it sell-able anyway.
I am slowly concocting ways to upgrade but it's only going to be for my taste not for resale. Okay, this is boring me so I'm off to knit.
Things are getting crazy around here.
Now that Little E is feeling better and I'm feeling better it's time to get back to work. However I'm getting things mixed up and forgetting things left and right.
First I knitted 5 inches of my commissioned throw today, and forgot to put in the cable twist every 2 inches. Ripping it out was stressful trying to keep it from running and the baby out of the ravelings. I thought I would take a break from knitting and get some quilting done, Now I can't find my project folder for the quilt I need to cut out. I dashed an email off to the client and went to focus on something else. Now I know why I wasn't taking a lot of orders while Tiger wasn't in school. I tried working on the quilt in my frame but the baby kept ripping it off the frame. I have some stitches to rip out now. I guess I'm going to have to start working at night and sleeping in the floor while the baby plays in the playroom just to get money for Christmas.
Oh I also broke an agreement today. I took something personally and fired off a post to reply. Now I'm even more on edge. Mentally kicking my own tail for climbing into the ring of verbal sparring instead of walking away.
As I mentioned I forgot to do some things today. I meant to take prescriptions to the pharmacy and pick up snacks for Tiger's class. Left the scrips at home and was so ticked at the store I just got the formula and sippy cups I had to buy and left. Made an extra stop at the bank to deposit a check though, glad I found that. Shoulda put it in the other bank though. Forgot the recycling.
I should stop complaining and go fix supper. lol, nah, I think I'll cut out some pants for the baby. It's just rice. I'll work on the quilt in the frame tonight while Eddie is here to play with the baby.
just grumping
We've been sick for weeks. Eddie and I haven't had insurance to go to the doctor so we've been muddling through. Today our insurance kicked in so I can see a PA tomorrow. Having 3 sick kids in the house has been wearing us down as well. I've done what I could to stay consistent with the kids and our PCIT. But Eddie keeps blowing it. I have had it with him doing this. Tomorrow the backlash will all be aimed at me and I can't take it. I just want to kick him in the nuts.
He's mad at me because I'm being the heavy in our guardianship of the baby. I make the decisions, I make the rules because if I don't then I'm the one who suffers. The pressure is all on me and I'm doing what I can to make sure that other people accept/pay for their part of the responsibility.
Okay here's the biggest beef I have: Eric wants to see his baby but Eric isn't stable enough to be alone with his baby which means someone has to supervise him. I told him what he has to do to be viewed as stable...has he done it? No, he gets his momma to whine to a judge about it. Plus, my mother in law just doesn't understand what Eric did wrong. What he's continuing to do wrong. I tell her, Ed tells her, the judge tells her and she just doesn't see it.
Here is all I'm asking him to do:
Stay away from Crystal
get his own baby safe place --alone, no mother, no crystal, no boozer buddies
get a car
can he do one of those things, no not really. He's admitted he loves Crystal more than anyone else in the world. Ummmmm, more than your child?
He claims he can't afford to rent a place but he was doing it in August and for a year before that, blowing money on booze and drugs for Crystal so um, yeah he can.
He claims he can't afford a car, bull. see the above mentioned expenditures.
Sooooooooo. Right now, I just want to go lay in God's lap and cry. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Most recently was when G-man was having trouble in 2nd grade. I didn't start feeling this bad when Tiger started having the same trouble.
I can't even rely on Eddie to help out. He's not on my side any more and the more he tries to counter act all that I have done the less I want to be around him.
I know of 2 women who have up and left their husbands in the last few years. I won't go that far but I'm not going to be "the good wifey" either. Don't like it, pack your shit and git.
