this week was so nutty.
Monday, I planned on keeping myself up and going. I wanted to get projects done just to clear them from my mind. While I was trying to sew, Eddie decided to get up and get moving himself, leaving the baby running loose to attack me at the sewing machine. Attack he did.... little E likes to reach under my blouse and tickle me. The moment he picked to tickle me caused me to break a needle in my machine and smash my fingernail beneath the broken shaft. My fit of pain sent the boy scurrying for protection and when he couldn't find Eddie he threw his own fit. Of course I corrected Eddie...Don't leave the baby unattended when I'm sewing....Don't leave the baby to cry just so you can do something you should wait until the baby is in bed to do.... I managed to finish 2 of my projects and supervise Eddie's project too. He was frustrated with me though and clearly showed it physically as well as verbally. I tried really hard to stay up beat about it. I did have to go to bed to deal with the emotional aftermath. I counted on Eddie waking me when he left so I could shower and prepare to peel out of here when he returned with the big boys. I don't know if he didn't or I just slept through it. So to add to my emotional stress I was rushing to not only prepare for my den meetings early but shower and dress to make it to a doctor's appointment I could not miss.
This new doc says most of my tummy trouble comes from not having a gall bladder. What makes it worse is 3 of my medications and the way I stress out over things. He knows that 2 of my medications will cause dizziness and nausea which is why I've had to lay down when I get stressed too. Okay, we'll plan on eliminating those medications as well as taking an interior look at my system with an upper and lower GI. I have a month to prepare..... booo.
I return home to find my boys so grounded they can't go to their den meetings. I opt to stay home with them instead of trying to teach Eddie's den lessons. We have the normal, screaming, slamming of doors, kicking of walls and throwing of toys when the boys don't want to return to their rooms while I'm on the phone with dil, Kelli. I get the baby off to bed, and G-man moved to the living room which has been rearranged to grounded mode. Eventually Tiger goes to sleep, G-man is full of food and Eddie and I can migrate to our room. We talk about the den meetings, the phone call, the groundings and our plans to Tuesday. We manage to get to bed.
Tuesday, I didn't get anything done I intended to do. I was still dealing with the aftermath of the groundings and homework trouble so I was still upset and so ready for bed time Tuesday night.
Wednesday was going to be different. G-man was going to get a pass on any late papers from the previous 2 weeks of absences and snow days, Tiger was going to get out of the house again and the baby was being so sweet and cuddly things just couldn't be bad. Then the pharmacy refused to refill Tiger's good manners medicine until this morning...the boy needed to take it at 7:30 this morning and the pharmacy doesn't open until 9!!!! G-man "forgot" to do a page of homework Monday night and was once again grounded plus he had already lost privileges for leaving dirty night clothes in the floor. Tiger wanted all the attention at homework time, which isn't unusual but he also didn't want to follow directions. Finally I get homework, and snacks out of the way. Tiger goes to play, G-man goes to make a mess with Legos and little E hangs out with me. Eventually, Tiger's playtime is infiltrated by the mean boys. One mean boy points a bb gun at Tiger's face and Tiger aims a foot at the boy's groin. Big brother mean boy goes on the attack and Tiger is sent home for the evening for being the only mean boy...huh? nooo, that can't be right but in Tiger's emotional mind he has been banished forever. I hug and rock him then when he's ready to tell me the story I let him move away and tell me. Okay, the kid got in trouble for aiming below the belt which hacked Tiger off. His retaliation was to start screaming mean things at me and the baby so now, I'm not only stressed but feeling emotionally spent. I still have 20 minutes before I can leave the house to go get Eddie and head to church. Tiger is still spewing venom on the trip across the river view road. He's also within reach of the baby to torment the poor boy.
I'm screaming by the time I get Eddie and I realize I need to buy gas before heading to the church which will put my bus route behind schedule too. Once Eddie returns to the jeep after fueling, I'm in time saving route driving mode and I don't want to talk. I just want to concentrate on my driving. Eddie's in control of the brats in the back.
I whiz into the parking lot and scurry to my van smarting off that Eddie made the boys lock the jeep then realizes he's locked the baby's one and only cup in the jeep as well, um, oopsie
As I start preparing the van to leave I notice one of the elder/deacon/guy in my Sunday School class approaching the passenger side of my van with a quizzical look on his face I look back to see him speaking to one of our younger guys who has just as much responsibility in church and realize I can actually see and hear them. A window is gone. Okay, I can't drive this van. Where's the key to the other one? I borrow a key from my favoritist youth minister and I zoom off to pick up my route. I'll interject here that my cell phone isn't working so no one has been able to warn me about route changes and such since I left the house at 5:15. I go to pick up my first kids and I suddenly get overloaded with kids. One apartment is responsible for rounding up 10 kids. I don't have any room for more. I have to return to the church drop off this crowd and go back for my others and just check on those kids I don't usually pick up in the same neighborhood. I pick up my route and a few others and make it back to the church. I'm visibly shaking by this time. Once I settle down a little, I manage to get a hug from Eddie and spill my guts to one of my mentors, husband and a young adult on my route. I should have been up setting up craft tables instead of whining and listening to commiserations.
Either because I was wired the kids are all wired or because I'm wired the kids seem more out of control last night, I just couldn't seem to get the kids to leave me alone and listen to the teacher. Then they were argumentative when I repeated the instructions again and again.
I thought things would be so much easier when I returned my kids home and got back to the church. However the children's minister, my ally in all of the route confusion, has to re load my poor patched up van and take off in it himself because his keys to the spare van are missing.
I would say the night couldn't get any worse but it did. Words were said, feelings were hurt and I finally had to break down and meditate just to get some of the stress out of my body. I did manage to sleep well though this morning was just as stress filled.
I still had to keep the un-medicated boy home from school which also led to keeping G-man home too. Tiger in irritation mode sitting next to the baby is a bad combination if you want to have a good drive anywhere. When I finally get to the pharmacy....the prescription is still not filled. Tiger doesn't want to take it with water when it is filled. I'm grumbling about them taking 40 extra minutes to actually fill the stinking prescription and I'm in no mood to fight with Tiger again.
Eventually, I get the good manners medicine in Tiger. G-man and Tiger unloaded at school and I return home. When I get the baby out of the car seat, he's asleep. In an unusual sequence of events instead of waking or flopping backward to avoid my shoulder I got the ultimate cuddle. Awwwe, that made it all worth it.
I've still had a few fumbles here today. There's a missing cup, the brownies are thicker than I like them. I still have to wrestle the scooter out of the garage so the repair guys can have it. However, I'm on a chocolate high. I think I'll be fine. I have even managed to skip that energy sucking nap so far....
Rocco's Recipes #1, 2 and 3
Magnificent Mayonnaise.
I love this stuff. I was grainy when we first tried it but I got used to the texture quickly. I chalked it up to the greek yogurt. Eddie loves that kind of yogurt so our testing of the recipe had been delayed by the need to purchase an additional container of yogurt.
Artichoke Spinach dip...
once again our efforts were put off by the need to purchase ingredients. We tried for 5 days to remember to either make a list or find the time to just get to the store. However Monday night we were able to make the dish. Eddie was the cook. He did a great job.
Brownies
I have been incredibly stressed the last few days so this morning I decided I would attack a recipe on my own. I made the brownies. They are great texture wise but the sweetness is a little off due to the artificial sweetener. That's okay by me though, less carbs to count.
I made a mistake last week.
I'm allergic to pepper. Not just chilies but even pepper corn and paprika. I think cumin and coriander are similar but they don't make me as miserable as simple black pepper.
My husband made himself a plate of microwaved potatoes with butter, cheese and pepper Wednesday night. I just had to have his left overs, so I ate the potato he didn't eat with pepper on it. My life went down hill after that. I woke up itching like crazy and my chest hurt like I had taken a punch to the sternum. I knew heart wise I was just fine, my tongue was not swollen, I was just miserable from being folded in on myself trying to scratch. Is this making anyone else feel like scratching? Luckily my husband stayed home from work to "take a snow day" with the boys. I took a benedryl and stayed in bed all day. This was my mistake on Thursday.
Friday, I managed to keep my post benedryl fidgeting under control, handled the boys and the baby reasonably well and managed to sleep but my skin was still itchy and I had this feeling. Something I ate did not quite agree with me. I again took a benedryl. The medication has an anti-vomiting property in it which is great when I know that being sick like that would just make me more miserable. Vomiting causes my teeth to ache on a migraine scale.
Saturday, I once again had the fidgets and my benedryl hangover. I managed to deal with each in turn. The boys and I managed to keep from screaming at each other all day. I turned my fidgets into baking until the enticing smells caused the boys' brains to melt then I had a melt down of herculean proportions. Finally, I just had to keep fidgeting last night. I managed to get all the Christmas decorations taken down and put away although my husband didn't really feel up to doing anything but watching movies. I played into that by assigning him the task of sitting under the baby while watching said movies. I think I nearly drove him nuts. He couldn't just get up and wander around... he had to keep the baby out of my way. Poor guy, his life is just so tough.
Clearing out the Christmas stuff always leads to sneezing fits for him but I just didn't care. Bringing it out leads to the same sneezing fits for us all and by gum, I was tired to looking at it all. All this Christmas stuff was delaying my ability to celebrate the festival of birthdays which started on the Jan 6th this year. My grand daughter turned 1.
I can't tell you how light the living room feels with all the Christmas stuff gone. I am probably just reacting to the endorphins of being active. I was really silly last night and exchanged all the votive cups in my candle sticks for black tapers. Yes Black... I'm in mourning of my youth. I will be 40 in just a few more days. So I plan on burning those black candles just for pure silliness. That's me.
Part of my fidgets yesterday is the yearly, tax time hype. I have to wait on two 10-99 tax papers to come in and I need to apply for the baby's social security number before we can actually file our taxes but I'm getting fired up to spend all that money. Planning to see where I can squeeze this or that dime out for this little trinket or promised item. Budgeting truck repairs and debt pay downs in with get away plans. I go through this every year.
Meanwhile physically, I was caught in huge pain cycle which left me almost too pain filled to rest again last night and once again needing a Benedryl to keep the bile from rising. I am so hung over right now just breathing and typing are very loud activities. I wouldn't be out of bed if my hunger and my fidgeting weren't winning the battle over my ears and brain. Listening to a book about a blogger also contributed to my need to write. I am going to commit myself to getting out of my head for a few minutes a day everyday in this way because I need the outlet.
I pray everyone outside of my head finds comfort today.
Debby
Labels: allegies, Benedryl, blogging, migraine, pepper, Tulsa
I am going to turn this kid over to dhs
I'm so frustrated by this screaming baby that I'm crying. I used to think the droning of a fan was the most ear splitting/irritating sound but now, not so much. I couldn't even hear a fan now. He cries when I out of the room he cries when I come back he goes to do something and cries because he's frustrated. I can't console him either. It's like living with a siren going. The only thing that does shut him up is a bottle. A crying baby with food in his mouth is a dangerous and very messy thing.
whew what a few weeks
Little E has mega separation anxiety now. It started while he was sick and has just escalated. It started when Eddie would put him down to go to the kitchen. It has progressed to whenever Eddie comes into the room E thinks he should be picked up immediately and packed around. A week ago I was resorting to doing anything I could to get E's attention, usually screaming his name and getting him to stop following Eddie around. No it's me too. I can't go to the bathroom, change clothes, put away laundry nothing. This is getting old.
Meanwhile I'm still suffering from my ears. It's rough to sleep at night. I slept wrong and I have an aching up the left side of my spine. I did all the stretches I could today to relieve it and well, I made it worse, oops. 8[
I am a day behind on my cleaning schedule, I'm doing laundry today instead of cleaning bathrooms. I'm putting off those bathrooms for as long as I can. I'll ask Eddie to do the boys bathroom tonight. I've been working on mine a little at a time too. Just gotta put a polish on the fixtures and spray down the shower.
I soooo don't want to do anything today.
I shouldn't feel that way, I stayed in bed til 10 much to E's displeasure. I've eaten a decent breakfast but still I feel like I have cotton in my head, especially my ears. I've been drinking milk products so that could be part of the problem.
I need some energy. I'm not getting it from the music although E is. I posted on FB he doesn't know whether to eat or two-step. He can't do both at the same time. So far it's much more dancing than eating but at least he's eating more than chasing after me crying.
The long and short of my day is I'm not moving. Yes, I can't get my self out of this chair and to quell any questioning by people who don't have any reason to know, I'm not moving out of my house either. When I was asked about that, I started feeling like Rockwell, "I always feel like somebody is watching me..." So either our nosy people heard about my aunt discussing her move with my husband, or saw my own broken down truck parked at the house and my jeep gone or saw an out of date foreclosure listing, (before my inheritance when I was spending money on my grandbaby instead of paying bills) Don't know, but it's bugging me. MYOB people.
I did smart off that now that E lives with us we need a bigger house, but sure as shooting, we would move and then E's dad would get his mess together and we could give him back. Naaaaaahhhhh, it's not worth the hassle. Couldn't afford to upgrade all the stuff here to make it sell-able anyway.
I am slowly concocting ways to upgrade but it's only going to be for my taste not for resale. Okay, this is boring me so I'm off to knit.
Things are getting crazy around here.
Now that Little E is feeling better and I'm feeling better it's time to get back to work. However I'm getting things mixed up and forgetting things left and right.
First I knitted 5 inches of my commissioned throw today, and forgot to put in the cable twist every 2 inches. Ripping it out was stressful trying to keep it from running and the baby out of the ravelings. I thought I would take a break from knitting and get some quilting done, Now I can't find my project folder for the quilt I need to cut out. I dashed an email off to the client and went to focus on something else. Now I know why I wasn't taking a lot of orders while Tiger wasn't in school. I tried working on the quilt in my frame but the baby kept ripping it off the frame. I have some stitches to rip out now. I guess I'm going to have to start working at night and sleeping in the floor while the baby plays in the playroom just to get money for Christmas.
Oh I also broke an agreement today. I took something personally and fired off a post to reply. Now I'm even more on edge. Mentally kicking my own tail for climbing into the ring of verbal sparring instead of walking away.
As I mentioned I forgot to do some things today. I meant to take prescriptions to the pharmacy and pick up snacks for Tiger's class. Left the scrips at home and was so ticked at the store I just got the formula and sippy cups I had to buy and left. Made an extra stop at the bank to deposit a check though, glad I found that. Shoulda put it in the other bank though. Forgot the recycling.
I should stop complaining and go fix supper. lol, nah, I think I'll cut out some pants for the baby. It's just rice. I'll work on the quilt in the frame tonight while Eddie is here to play with the baby.
just grumping
We've been sick for weeks. Eddie and I haven't had insurance to go to the doctor so we've been muddling through. Today our insurance kicked in so I can see a PA tomorrow. Having 3 sick kids in the house has been wearing us down as well. I've done what I could to stay consistent with the kids and our PCIT. But Eddie keeps blowing it. I have had it with him doing this. Tomorrow the backlash will all be aimed at me and I can't take it. I just want to kick him in the nuts.
He's mad at me because I'm being the heavy in our guardianship of the baby. I make the decisions, I make the rules because if I don't then I'm the one who suffers. The pressure is all on me and I'm doing what I can to make sure that other people accept/pay for their part of the responsibility.
Okay here's the biggest beef I have: Eric wants to see his baby but Eric isn't stable enough to be alone with his baby which means someone has to supervise him. I told him what he has to do to be viewed as stable...has he done it? No, he gets his momma to whine to a judge about it. Plus, my mother in law just doesn't understand what Eric did wrong. What he's continuing to do wrong. I tell her, Ed tells her, the judge tells her and she just doesn't see it.
Here is all I'm asking him to do:
Stay away from Crystal
get his own baby safe place --alone, no mother, no crystal, no boozer buddies
get a car
can he do one of those things, no not really. He's admitted he loves Crystal more than anyone else in the world. Ummmmm, more than your child?
He claims he can't afford to rent a place but he was doing it in August and for a year before that, blowing money on booze and drugs for Crystal so um, yeah he can.
He claims he can't afford a car, bull. see the above mentioned expenditures.
Sooooooooo. Right now, I just want to go lay in God's lap and cry. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Most recently was when G-man was having trouble in 2nd grade. I didn't start feeling this bad when Tiger started having the same trouble.
I can't even rely on Eddie to help out. He's not on my side any more and the more he tries to counter act all that I have done the less I want to be around him.
I know of 2 women who have up and left their husbands in the last few years. I won't go that far but I'm not going to be "the good wifey" either. Don't like it, pack your shit and git.
ahhh haaaaaa
I bought some new yarn yesterday and I was wondering what to do with it. I didn't want the same old same old stitches. I just found a pattern on yarnharlot.com which will work really well. Yay.
It feels good to be jazzed about something. I had been soooooo bored because I couldn't work out something to knit and my project was on hold because my circular needles were broken. But I replaced them yesterday and added 10 inches to the blanket I have been working on. Now I have a new pattern to work up which is going to be soo cool. Can't wait to get started. I need to eat, shower, and cut my hair too. wonder what I'll get done first?
